Tumbled Words

I, like so very many others, used to pull back from saying what I wanted to, especially to people I did not know well. I’m not talking about speaking my mind about what jerks they are, I am talking about sincerely expressing sympathy, about thinking I won’t make a difference. But humans DO MAKE A DIFFERENCE by expressing sympathy, even to strangers.

I used to ignore my instincts. Ok, make that still do occasionally.. and the past couple of days I took the old path and ignored them again.

But just a few minutes ago, I chose to honor them. John’s family was here to clean out his apartment. The best the neighbors can figure, he died at home. A concerned neighbor realized he had not picked up a package and well, they reacted. That is what greeted us Friday night when we walked outside our apartment to head toward town to celebrate the sale of our house. That is what stopped us in our celebratory tracks. Of course, the police would give no information, but it became more obvious by how they were NOT interviewing all of us about what we may have seen, and so forth.

We eventually went out, and for the most part shoved the earlier evening aside, and tried to enjoy each other. His daughter came down the other day, right before the storm with family. We saw them as they went in and out and we went in and out… Now, I missed people that did stop by, since I can’t see their apartment from mine, and most people are not here for the summer anyway.

From past experience I knew some people were not stopping to express their sympathy or concern for the family, holding back, not wanting to intrude. I wrote a quick note on the only paper I could find, a little yellow legal pad, just telling her how people spoke of her father, that we often had pleasant conversations… nothing poetic, just from the heart - short and to the point. Now, the me from years ago might have written it, but she would never have walked the note down and handed it to strangers.

Today, I did. One of the things I said, through tears, was that I knew that though everyone spoke highly of John, some people were nervous about approaching the family and I wanted her to know that though some weren’t approaching her, they did miss him.

She got up on those words — and hugged me, a stranger, and told me that she knew he was well-liked (from previous visits down here, and obviously from those who had approached her), but she also mentioned she knew people were nervous about approaching her. That brought more tears on my side for I knew she had noticed.

Take the chance, those of you who hold back, say what is in your heart. I’ve learned over the past four years, it is not as difficult as you think…. heartfelt words are appreciated.

You will be surprised how well it might be received. Then you can run back to the safety of your own quiet or the chaos, whichever.

And even when you screw up in your note and do not even write the words, “I’m so sorry” the sentiment comes through in your other words. Just have to trust me on that one.

And do listen to your instincts.

Tags: just say it, sympathy

I know it should not have surprised me, but it did! High tide on the Atlantic Coast was listed as between 10 p.m. and 11 p.m. I heard the wind picking up, and the radar showed us between bands, so we walked down our walkway on the third floor toward the beach end of the condo. After such a mild day, the stronger wind surprised me, but seeing the water breaking over halfway up our beach totally through me - and quite frankly gave me the creeps! I stood there in awe, thinking, we are on the third floor, we are on the third floor, high tide is almost over. When we were within about 3 doors of the end railing, a man walked past me, I jumped about ten feet, having not heard him approach over the winds. The booze on his breath must have been blown backward, too, or I would have had early warning.

The noise at that end was caused by the wind running through the railing. On our way back to the condo, the wind gusted quite a bit. I didn’t like that one bit considering I was wearing thongs that have no tread left on them, the painted walkway was slippery, and I had slid in them earlier twice. I’m saying, walk faster… and Leon is telling me to slow down so I don’t slide.

I would never have stayed here anyway had it turned toward us more or been stronger… I’m usually on the road before the rest of the population. Seeing the water crash nearly up to the condo’s patio — well, that just reinforced it! But it was gorgeous in the little bit of light out there because of the sea turtles.

Stay safe.

Tags: Palm Beach, Tropical Storm Fay

My mind is both racing and standing still. I want to blog, but I have no patience toward writing anything intelligent, amusing, or worthwhile. So, I have written little of any interest or true purpose.

I am not depressed, overly excited, overwhelmed, underwhelmed, irritated, withdrawn, overworked (well, I would be if I would make myself do what I should do).

I have not bothered to write my poetry, or attempted to finish my novel. I glance at a few blogs, but hold back to prevent getting lost in them… for I seem to be an all or nothing person most of the time.

So, that is where I am, on a deserted island on the one hand, very much in the thick of something on the other… yet they are indiscernible for the most part. I have not lost my ability to laugh or cry, to scheme or dream, to help or be helped. My only conclusion - I am normal - for me.

The other part of normal for me is change - with the exception of “keeping things unchanged with Leon”, grin, I don’t mind change. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t like all of it, but I love the thought of change. Change, to me, means “not static”.

And though many feel that any change should be for the better — an improvement, I believe that any change has potential for a positive outcome… but don’t bother trying to convince me of that if I am in a mood, backsliding at something, or unhappy with a potential change, I will quickly forget everything I just wrote and act human: you know, that do as I say and not as I do stuff… Being human is great, isn’t it?!

And if any of this gibberish makes sense to you… explain it to me, please, because I write by instinct… and instincts are not always infallible, but they sure are fun to have.

May you all have change in your life — and recognize its worth.

Tags: change, everyday life, instinct, Life Balance